Chasm

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I hate these kinds of days. I’m going to describe it, and if you think I’m batty, fine. I’m saying how I feel, and if you don’t feel the same way in this situation, then you can just see an interesting thought and that be it. Of course, if you can relate, I hope this helps.

Have you ever had those days where you run out of things to do? I don’t mean that there aren’t any chores or that you’ve finished a big project, and you’re sort of lost. I mean, you are doing the same thing that you’ve been doing for that past few months, whether it be the same game that you’ve played to death, or if you are at work doing a repetitive task, or whatever your situation might be. The day wasn’t even that bad. Nothing happened that would provoke this. You just suddenly realize, “Well, crap. I thought I enjoyed this, but I really don’t want to be doing this.” The thing is that you have that thought, but then you sort of feel like you are floating over a bottomless chasm. You feel like if you stop even for a second, you’ll fall, but you really want to do something else. Even other things that would be good to do just seem really unattractive, and everything in the world that you could do just feels like it would be seriously lame. You look down in this chasm, and you realize that you’ve been there before. Just sitting there and being completely vegetative, depressed and down on yourself. You really don’t want to go there, but it feels like the other side is slipping away more and more the longer you keep doing this thing that you suddenly really don’t want to do. It’s like you’re in activity limbo where everything else is garbage, but you really don’t want to do the entertaining thing, either. I’m in that kind of mood today, and I despise it. I wish I could get up and do something that I’ve been hoping to do for a long time, whether it be to go out and get the stuff to start learning how to smith, or to really experiment with my cooking, but you need money for all these things. Money is one of the only resources that I don’t seem to have much of at the moment. I have company, too much maybe, friends, support, safety, time, but I seem to only not have money. Funny how you can have all those other things, but without money, they don’t do you much money. Even hanging out with friends requires gas money, considering most of my friends are across the state line. So I’m stuck here, playing games, talking to people about things that I’ve spoken about more than I’d care to admit, and sitting with my thumb proverbially up my ass. Gods, I really do loathe these days.

I know that you are used to much more embellished language from me, but I am a person of many sides. Sometimes you just get the dude side like today. It was a challenge to not make myself sound like a ditz. Well, I do hope that you can relate to this. Currently, I feel kind of alone in this feeling. Feel free to comment if you have thoughts on the matter that aren’t just, “Get outside! Go for a run! Play some sports! Be productive!” We all know these people, and we all glare at these posts for a moment before glancing over to something else. You say this as though we hadn’t thought of it ourselves. You are not helping.

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